Did you ever play that game where you look at a picture and you have to decide what doesn't fit? Like maybe there is a tropical scene - long leafed trees, tall swaying grasses, galloping zebra and an ice cream cone. Which one doesn't fit? That one is easy...the ice cream cone. Everyone knows that a herd of zebra would never leave an uneaten ice cream cone lying around on the ground.
So you can imagine, now, the scene that I will describe to you. I had just finished my swim at the gym and was heading into the locker room. It was the typical scene...towels, hanging swimming trunks, Russian men talking as if it was a Turkish bath and a man with a gun. Now I know what you are thinking...Russian men talking and the presence of a gun is not that unrealistic. I agree with you. However, it turns out that the man with a gun was not one of the Russians. Instead, he had the gun holstered and was standing half in and half out of a shower stall - looking at something. I couldn't see what had mesmerized him as, whatever it was, it was around the corner. I glanced to my side at the man standing next to me. He was about 300 pounds, shaved head (which I appreciated), a soul patch and a grin. I looked at him. He looked at me and shrugged his shoulders. "I am not used to seeing guns in the shower" I said. "Me neither" he replied, and then added "A guy is passed out in the shower."
I am not the sort of person who is chasing after fire trucks to watch a show. Nor do I pay much attention to the occasional accident on the side of the road. I am not a gawker...but this one was too hard to pass up, I casually walked toward the man with the gun. It became quite clear that he wasn't just any man. He was a police officer. But when I peered around him all I saw was a 70+ year old man taking a shower. And the police officer was simply standing off to the side watching him. I don't know about you, but I get nervous as hell around police officers. No matter what the situation, I have this crazy idea that he is coming for me. I can't imagine standing in the shower naked...singing my normal shower operetta...with a police officer acting like some peeping tom. It reminds me of the time I had to take a drug test for a new job. I had to pee in a cup with a gigantic African American woman watching me. "Looks like you might need a bit more water to drink, don't it?" she commented after ten minutes of the worst stage fright a grown man can ever imagine. It was a tough go. So this fellow taking the shower was surely of solid stock. As I was soaking in this strange view, two more clothed men came into the showers with medical equipment. The police officer pointed at the now fully lathered septuagenarian.
"You OK?" one of the paramedics asked.
"What the hell do you think?" he responded. He was just starting to rinse off.
"Did you hit your head?"
"Do you think I would be standing here if I cracked my head open?"
God, I love the Chicago attitude.
"Damn, if he didn't just get back up and keep taking his shower!" My soul patched friend had meandered his way up for a better view of the action. But he was right. This fellow had passed out in the shower, woke up and just kept going - with an attitude. Like I said...solid stock.
Now if the story ended there it would be enough. There was the visual oddity, the gun, the astounding recovery. But it didn't end there. After finding that he was, in fact, up and showering, I went to another area and took my shower as well. I didn't rush as I had a little more time than normal to get ready. There is nothing like a five minute shower to cool down and get ready for the rest of my hectic day. In fact, I was so focused on my shower that I actually forgot about the incident. However, I was startled once again when I saw this same man standing naked (still!) with the three clothed men...in the shower...filling out paperwork! Ah, the beauty of America. You may be naked...you may have attitude...but you always have to sign the waiver! Wonders never cease.
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