To HeadBlade or Not To HeadBlade...Say Hello To The Hair-Minator

I suggest that before you read this blog entry you read the predecessor to this blog: There is Nothing Graceful About Going Bald...Shave That Head!  If after reading the preceding blog, the blog below still does not make a bit of sense to you...don't worry.  This is normal.

OK, I didn't actually go to the store myself.  That would mean that I would have to fully and truly acknowledge that I did not own this de facto bald headed gadget.  I do not have this much self-confidence.  So instead I sent my wife.  She has a full head of dark hair (with some lighter highlights due to a salon intervention) and thus would be inconspicuous as she nonchalantly tossed the HeadBlade into the cart.  For added cover she brought along my four year old son.  Who could tell?  Maybe the boy wanted to shave his head for his birthday and his mother was enabling his wish?  The cloak of mystery around the purchase was solid and intact.

The HeadBlade was sitting on the counter when I arrived home from work that evening.  I am forced to admit that not only was it intriguing, but also even cooler in my hands than on the computer.  I could go into a long-winded description of the eye-popping color, the contoured design, the smooth roll of the wheels, the sleek angle of the blade, etc.  But who the hell wants to hear that?  It was cool, it was manly and it drove the desired behavior...the need to shave.

I have never felt the urge to shave my head more than at that moment.  I contemplated stripping off my clothes and running naked to the shower.  It seemed fitting as my oldest son does exactly that when it is time for a bath.  No one ever said anything to him about it.  It surely must be appropriate.  Then I realized that if I am learning about appropriate behavior from my four year old, something is terribly wrong.  He can't even finish a hot dog without looking like he went to war against an onslaught of ketchup and mustard bottles...and lost.  It seemed that I needed to rethink my role models for behavior.  Role models...hmmm...WWJD?  What would Jesus do in this situation?  There is no doubt that God is a good role model.  What would Jesus do?  He would tell me to stop wasting my life looking at a damn razor for my head and do something worthwhile.  Good advice, but too transcendental for me at that moment.  Patience is a virtue...and a necessity at times like this.  I resigned myself to wait until the morning to give it a go.

For me to tell the rest of the story I would have to break a cardinal rule.  I am a rather private person by nature (though you may not have guessed this by my blog).  Moreover, to share with you the next part of the story I would have to invite you into the shower with me - to experience my first usage of the HeadBlade.  Not only would this be somewhat awkward - as my shower is not very big - but it also crosses the line of simple human decency.  So instead of this approach, let me just give you the general run down of events.

While the shower was warming up, I took a look at the package.  Interestingly, the HeadBlade was made to float in a clear plastic sphere as if it were fully suspended in space.  It screamed "New Age Technology."  Also, about three or four times on the package was written "lead with the blade."  I figured if they purposefully wrote this so many times on the package, it may be worth remembering.  I took note for a later time.  Finally, I cut open the package and pried that testosterone laden "hair-minator" (I just made that word up on the spot...) out and prepared for action.  I jumped in the shower, lathered up my head, rinsed my now stinging eyes - too much shaving cream - and took hold of my new weapon.  It was a bit difficult at first to figure out how to place my fingers.  I suppose that this was outlined in the directions, but I threw those out with the cosmic packaging.  Finally, all fingers were placed appropriately and I made the first sweep - blade first.  Surprisingly, it went very smoothly across my head without leaving a hair behind.  Hey, this thing really worked!  I kept shaving and the hair kept coming off.  Maybe I wasn't a complete moron after all?  Or maybe I was at least a lucky moron!  I began to sing "Before the Parade Passes By" from Hello Dolly - I don't know why, but I prefer to sing show tunes in the shower.  And before I could get to the line I love to belt out - "Give me an old trombone, give me an old baton!" - my head was as smooth as a baby's bottom!  I became an instant convert.  

Perhaps I am more conscious of the perceptions of my clean shaved head now, but I swear that people notice my head more than ever before.  Even though people rudely continue to joke about the glare from my head (ha ha...like I never heard that before...you freak), I think that they really are noticing the effect from the HeadBlade.  Even as recently as this week, my boss's boss couldn't keep himself from reaching out and touching my head in the middle of a meeting.  Normally this would be considered harassment, but not for me.  I just gave him a look and said "Smooth, isn't it?" and then I offered to shave his head with the HeadBlade...free of charge.

Interested in HeadBlade?  Tell them you heard about them from me (and tell them to pay me for this advertising!!):  http://www.headblade.com